Perhaps the best way to learn about a modern teenager’s basic needs would be to wander a high school hallway during the five-minute break between classes.

Teenagers, much like the closely related human species, have simple needs — food, water, shelter, and as is evident from the frequent occurrences of public displays of affection, companionship. However, these needs come lower in a Teenager’s Hierarchy of Things Important to Teenage Existence. Acceptance and achievement are on the list, but still below the most important objects in a teenager’s life: gadgets.

The most important of these precious electronics is, of course, the cell phone. Never is a proper teenager to be found without his or her cell phone. Such little devices are vital to performing other life-sustaining actions, such as spreading gossip or reporting the score of a sporting event. Disregarding the cell phone’s usefulness as a tool to check in with and gain permission from the alpha teenagers (otherwise known as parents), the cell phone can also be used to acquire food, shelter and companionship.

Rivaling the cell phone in importance is the iPod. Though banned from classes, most teenagers still pack these little devices around 24/7, often as a fashion accessory hanging from the collar of the teenager’s shirt. When the teenager is not in class, the long, stringy end of this auditory device is inserted into the teenager’s ears, where it continues to blare loud music until a teacher orders the device be returned to a pocket, backpack, or purse. Note: Adequate hearing is not considered vital to teenage lifestyle.

Have cell phones been mentioned? They have? Allow me to again stress the importance of a cell phone. Especially the kind with unlimited texting.

Video games come in as a close third. Although the reasons for this need are unclear, that video games are essential to teenage life is evident through observation. Some teenage subjects often disappear into their dwellings, usually with little food or water but vast amounts of Mountain Dew, where they will spend the next several hours in the near religious ritual of “gaming.” Afterward, the teenager will emerge with dark rings under bloodshot eyes to return to their diurnal habitat, school.

Needed for similar reasons, the computer and the calculator are almost equally as important to healthy teenage life. Without a calculator, many teenagers find themselves unable to pass certain important math tests and, should a failing grade appear on the teenager’s high school transcript, the alpha teenagers might withdraw cell phone privileges.

Without a computer and the access it grants to the Internet, a teenager would also be unable to look up much needed homework help or, as others prefer, the answers to said homework, again risking a failing grade and the removal of cell phone privileges. Of course, such devices are often as much a hindrance as a help, considering both can be used as a storage device for video games. Computers can also be used as means of communication via Facebook and MySpace, just in case the cell phone’s batteries are running low.

Where are human interactions in this teenage hierarchy of needs? They’re in there, somewhere, just buried beneath all the gadgets.

Emma Penrod is a junior at Tooele High School.