This past month of my life has quite frankly been an emotional roller coaster. With high school coming to an end faster — yet slower — than I ever imagined, and the intoxicating feel of change in the air, there has been an overflow of stress, anxiety, excitement and reflection.

Over the past four years at Grantsville High School, I have experienced emotions that would change me and moments that would affect me for the rest of my life.

One of the best and most meaningful experiences that I have had has been with the cross-country program. My coach has become my role model, my therapist, and one of my best friends. I have never been the fastest or the best runner on the team, but running has taught me more about myself than anything else. I have felt the rush that comes after completing a difficult run and the disappointment that comes with letting yourself down during a race. I have felt the inner frustration that comes when you can’t seem to beat that certain person, or push to a certain point, or get a time that you have been working for. But I have also felt the euphoria that comes from completing a long-term goal and the ecstasy that envelops you as you make it to the top of the mountain. Most importantly, I have learned that as long as I am willing to get back up and try after I fall, I am worth something great.

Academically, I have learned more about learning than anything else. I struggled for four years to get good grades. I had many sleepless nights, weeks full of stress and days when I thought I wouldn’t get through. I wanted to make my parents proud and for a long time I felt that my self-worth came from my grades.

It was only recently that I realized my focus was completely off. After my AP calculus teacher watched me struggle for weeks — I was not worrying about understanding but only concerned with my grade — he explained to me that the goal was not to be flawless, but to learn from my mistakes. I began to grasp the idea that school wasn’t about winning awards or having an ideal report card. It was about understanding what was being taught and really learning the material, not just going through the motions and mindlessly answering questions on a paper.

Emotionally, I have experienced the ups and downs of a relationship with that “special somebody.” I know what it is like to feel the rush of a new relationship and the butterflies that never seem to stop when you think about that person. I know what it’s like to experience the elation when they walk into the room or, better yet, show up on your front porch. But I also know the bitter disappointment of rejection. I know what it’s like to cry for hours and I know what it feels like to constantly have that sick feeling in your stomach.

From all of these experiences, good and bad, I have learned who I am and the kind of person that I want to become. Self-confidence is now a trait instead of a wish. Hard work is a way of life, not something that can be done halfway. Love is something that is given unconditionally and entirely. Second chances can bring happiness or sadness, but should always be given. And most importantly, being yourself — your quirky, crazy, emotional self — is the only way to be.

So now, as I look forward to the rest of my life, I won’t need to look back. These experiences are not something to be forgotten in the past, but things that have become a part of me for the rest of my life. They will combine with experiences yet to come to create a story that belongs to me. A story that brought laughter and tears, happiness and bitterness. A story with some parts that will stay locked up forever while other parts will be constantly shared. A story that has been, and will continue to be, my own.

Courtnee Cartwright is a senior at Grantsville High School.